it's finally been a month i'm away from home in Jatinangor tercinta.
I suddenly realize that i have this kinda fear of ambulance and of course its sound
when i see an ambulance pass by, i have this feeling that makes me cry suddenly. i don't know why but i feel insecure in no time.
like i said it's a month i;m away from home so i kinda miss my fam and this baldy chicken. my bro.

SHAME&PITY OF HIM

HE'LL NEVER KNOW HAHAH

atit

semenjak gue tinggal di Jatinangor 'sendirian', alhamdulillah gue ga pernah sakit berat apalagi sampe yang gimana-gimana (gimana?). tadi di kampus ada temne kelas yang sakit. kalo temen-temen lain yang sakit ga kuliah, iini dia kuliah tp beler gitu. gue jadi kepikiran gimana kalo gue sakit. sebenernya sih temen deket gue satu kostan ada yang pernah sakit juga. tapi temen sekamarnya yang ngurus. jadi, mending lah. nah ini gimana kalo ga ada orang di kostan yang gabisa ngurusin?

temen gue (cewek) pernah sakit demam tinggi gitu 2 malem. ya yang namanya kost-kostan kan isinya orang individualis semua kan rata-rata apalagi kalo di kampus ga satu jurusan atau angkatan. dia bilang kan ke ibu kostannya "bu, saya sakit demam tinggi" (not actual quote). ibunya cuma bilang "ya udah atuh beli obat aja di warung". PALE LU??!! gitu kalo gue yang jawab. untung temen gue yang ini ga mati.

sebenernya sih kalo sakit ya namanya manusia wajar kan, tapi kan kalo hidup sendiri agak merana juga. kalo gue sakit, gue mungkin ga akan bilang ke bokap karena yaa... percuma juga kan bokap gue ga akan ngirimin suster atau mantri ganteng buat ngerawat gue (yailah bahasanya mantri). yaa paling gue nyusahin temen/teteh kostan gue aja buat nganter ke dokter. untungnya gue kenal sama yang tinggal satu kostan.

the third

Jatinangor, raining outside.
it's almost three years since my mom passed away. there's so many things happened since then. i won't talk about how i felt about this. joking, i will. but save those mumbles for later.
well, believe it or not, i graduate from high school. yay me! okay graduating high school isn't that hard. you know what's hard? going to state university. and guess what, i am!
I wish my mom were there. at the time i read the announcement. it's fine, nobody was there tho. i was alone with cold hand and heart throbbed.
one thing that had never crossed on my mind is that my younger bro will be tougher as he is now. i mean, what kind of child that would survive with that kinda behavior. one day he slept beside his mom like a toddler, and next thing he knows his mom no longer there. sleeping. next to him.
by the way he's 12 when my mom's dead (i don't know whether it's 'dead' or 'died'. ha ha ). he graduated from middle school nicely, and now, he's going to his, my sister's, everyone else's fave school. i couldn't be more proud.

okay it's time  for my deep talk. you know, i'm kinda person that's not letting go something easily. somehow my mom's death is not one of them. for now. the point is, years since my mom passed away i slowly lost the memories of her. i don't know whether it's a good thing or the opposite but i can deal with it. when your mom's gone you must be missing the time with her or how you felt when you're having her around. but i personally felt like i forget how it feels to have my mom around. i only jealous a little bit when i see someone has a blessed to be together with her mom. seriously, having your mom around is priceless blessed. even if you're get embarrassed or that kinda feeling. if i can go back in time, i would never go anywhere without her, and spent more time with her. and never gonna ever left her behind. alone.