October 30, 2012

the third

Jatinangor, raining outside.
it's almost three years since my mom passed away. there's so many things happened since then. i won't talk about how i felt about this. joking, i will. but save those mumbles for later.
well, believe it or not, i graduate from high school. yay me! okay graduating high school isn't that hard. you know what's hard? going to state university. and guess what, i am!
I wish my mom were there. at the time i read the announcement. it's fine, nobody was there tho. i was alone with cold hand and heart throbbed.
one thing that had never crossed on my mind is that my younger bro will be tougher as he is now. i mean, what kind of child that would survive with that kinda behavior. one day he slept beside his mom like a toddler, and next thing he knows his mom no longer there. sleeping. next to him.
by the way he's 12 when my mom's dead (i don't know whether it's 'dead' or 'died'. ha ha ). he graduated from middle school nicely, and now, he's going to his, my sister's, everyone else's fave school. i couldn't be more proud.

okay it's time  for my deep talk. you know, i'm kinda person that's not letting go something easily. somehow my mom's death is not one of them. for now. the point is, years since my mom passed away i slowly lost the memories of her. i don't know whether it's a good thing or the opposite but i can deal with it. when your mom's gone you must be missing the time with her or how you felt when you're having her around. but i personally felt like i forget how it feels to have my mom around. i only jealous a little bit when i see someone has a blessed to be together with her mom. seriously, having your mom around is priceless blessed. even if you're get embarrassed or that kinda feeling. if i can go back in time, i would never go anywhere without her, and spent more time with her. and never gonna ever left her behind. alone.